I was not a good person in the past.
Many people remember me favorably, but I remember much in the way of poor choices that I have made. I have spent the past few weeks in a dour funk because of it. My dreams at night have been the ills and agonies I’ve inflicted.
I think, in many cases, we cannot truly make up for the past. Wounds do not heal perfectly. All I can do is identify what I did wrong. As I hold those acts in my being that do not sit well with me. Due to this, I can ensure to greater measure that at least I don’t cause the same hurts again.
I am not perfect.
While I love a good redemption story, there is never really any end. At times the best thing I can do is to exit peoples’ lives and remove myself from situations. At others, I am obligated to fix what I broke.
I was once pleased with myself and my life. Looking back at those periods now I see how much came at the expense of others. I am afraid that I owe more than I can repay, and I still must go through life hat in hand.
All I can resolve going forward is to be better, and to do what I can.