I seem to respond to Despair in a fashion I have found unique. I greet it warmly, pull it in until I can’t see it as being separate from me, and in that joining begin dancing again with a renewed fervor. I assume that I begin to forget it is in me or I sweat it out. In any case, I soon forget that I am hampered so.

This is a word that has been kicked around my head for some time. Every time I write on it has wound up becoming too personal to share. No telling if this time will be different.

Usually, this word is used to recognize exceedingly noble acts. Lately, however, I have had to be mindful of some more unspoken aspects just like Despair. Weakness. Laziness. Inadequacy. “Your world begins and ends with you” I often tell myself. So when I see my life being different from what I wish it to be I look to myself. I change my thoughts and outlook, my environment if I can, and my actions. In this way, I choose to see and respect those things which hold me back while changing my life so they are not an issue.

Despair comes in when, in spite of my efforts, change does not come in the arenas that I wish. By no means is my life bad, it is merely not all of what I wish for it to be. I am lucky that I do not need to work against my mind with some form of Depression or a like imbalance. I am not concerned with abusive relationships that I am directly in. And in Winter, I am warm and have a place to write on the internet.

This is a reminder to me, and hopefully, it will serve someone else too. Rather than fight, accept what is beyond your control. And as you can, work and vie for change. The alterations which I have found to last the most happen beneath my notice. It takes time. I seek to conquer only my previous self. And if I am better than the day before, then I move in the right direction, even if I cannot see how the path has changed beneath my feet.

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